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The Best Of Ian-Andre Below are the 17 most recent journal entries recorded in the "ian-andre" journal:
July 28th, 2007
12:36 pm

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Writer's Block: In The Money
If you won $100 this afternoon, what would you do with it?  This is a no brain-er.  I'd spend $50 for a fabulously long lunch with a dear friend over a bottle of good wine and hopefully witty conversation  The other $50 I would donate to a children's orphanage in Cochabamba, Peru, where my soon to be son is.  - $50 here is like $450 there!!!  // ian-andre'

Current Location: Martha's Vineyard
Current Mood: chipper
Current Music: James Blunt
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July 20th, 2007
11:04 pm

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Writer's Block: Bump In The Night

What are you afraid of? REJECTION OF ANY KIND ... especially from friends or people i'm trying to get to know.  I like to be included in everything and hate it if I'm left out of a secret, conversation or invitation ... I like to be the center of attention in many ways (a bad character flaw I know that will be changing once Mechano arrives!!!!) ... also I'm fearful when I have a wicked crush on someone and being rejected if I make my intentions known - though I usual do anyhow ... and alas and alack suffer the consequences.  I hate rejections on my writing especially as I send my work to many editors and academic publications.  I also am hurt when people say they want to read my work and I give it to them and they never get around to actually reading it ... I feel a part of my creative self has been rejected.  Thank god I was brought up in a lovely and nurturing family, as I can handle rejection, I just don't like it! // ian-andre'

Current Location: Martha's Vineyard
Current Mood: calm
Current Music: James Blunt
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July 16th, 2007
05:28 pm

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YET another poem .. hope you will read some!!!

 

 

Young’s Court at 2 PM


©By Ian-André le Mont, 2007

  

 

I’m an empty canvas. Over the next couple of hours, I’ll take shape, as the artist fuses together shadow, light and color.  He hoists me on his back attached to an old wooden easel spattered with paint.

 

We trot down Young’s Court toward Commercial Street, the shells crunching beneath his sorely worn boots.  He stops halfway at a spot already scoped out.  It’s a little past two o’clock when the sun is at its brightest and casts an intense luminosity.  This is what the artist wants to capture, the washed tones of the houses bleached by these relentless beams of light.

 

Ordinarily his pallet is liberally bright – vibrant reds, deep blues, glowing yellows & potent greens.  Today he must impose upon his oils, mixing them with the muted hues of white and flaxen. 

 

Slowly he assembles the easel setting it in the exact position.  Unfolding his stool, a rusty metal frame with a droopy seat, he sits and stares at the scene before him. 

 

His time is short if he intends to render in paint this cozy lane as it looks right now.  In matter of minutes, texture and layers begin outlining three houses.  He adds telephone wires, television antennas, chimneys & the sparkling water of Provincetown’s bay.

 

With bold, hasty strokes, he fills in the forms; doorways, windows, gabbled roofs and dormers take shape.  The Town Hall’s clock chimes three times, he’s only been painting for an hour and yet the canvas is nearly complete.  He fusses with the two-foot high brick wall the surrounds the 1871 house on the left.  Shadows are added where the sun hits roof lines, a telephone pole and wires and the corner of the shop that faces Commercial Street. 

  

A collage of colors is applied giving the sense of reflectivity to the glass in the windows and doors.  Dabs of color here and there are all that is necessary to finish Young’s Court. 

 

A wet canvas, unsigned.  Ten minutes before four o’clock, and he packs up his things and heads for home with the fresh painting mounted on his back like a Russian babushka. 


A young girl passes him; she turns and stares at this odd parade – an overweight man with a goatee, strange neo-classical glasses, paint-stained shorts and shirt, boots too heavy for August, fingers discolored from touch-ups and a contraption of easel/chair/painting strung to his back. 
She smiles and yells back, “really nice painting.”  He turns and smiles back, saying nothing.
 

He’s especially satisfied that for today anyway he was able to harness the sun’s play on color onto a blank canvas.  He’ll sign this one – only the best ever are. 
________________________________________________

I followed the artist home and bought it (and of course he signed and dedicated it to me - it hangs in our den at "Spinnaker," my summer home on Martha's Vineyard.  The painter, Dan Rupe, now lives and paints in Hudson, NY.


Current Location: Martha's Vineyard
Current Mood: cheerful
Current Music: Hildegarde
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05:15 pm

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Another Poem

Ode to the Ancient Mariner

©Ian-Andre le Mont

 

 

I gaze upon you nightly, old man of the sea.

 

How strange it is to gaze;

Not merely looking or glancing or even staring.

Ever stranger is the image you arrest,

That of a feeble soul comes to rest.

 

 

Etched by Daly for the printed text,

Your haunting vestige makes so clear;

Man’s darkest trembling terror of the night

Steals the mightiest of his might.

 

 

Upon your knees humbling yourself,

Matted and in a gilded frame,

The torture you evoke leaves me weak,

Stormy words did Coleridge make you speak.

 

 

Tears pour upon his cassock, black and dank.

Shrive Me, Shrive Me, Holy Man,” you cry.

Absolution you seek for your gutless arrow’s trek

That brought down the albatross upon your neck.

 

I gaze upon you nightly, old man of the sea

 

 

*Written about an early 19th century folio print depicting a scene from Coleridge’s Rime of the Ancient Mariner, which hangs over my bedroom chest-of-drawers, one of the last things I gaze upon before going to sleep.  The mariner has washed ashore and found by a priest to whom he expels, “Grieve me, Grieve me Holy Man.

 

* Winner of 100 best young US poets for 2005

 

Current Location: Martha's Vineyard
Current Mood: contemplative
Current Music: Vivaldi
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July 15th, 2007
12:56 am

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SORRY IF POSTING A NOVEL CHAPTER I'M WRITING ISN'T APPROPRIATE
If you guys who have been here for a while feel this isn't the place for me to post chapters of my "work i progress" novel, I'll delete it ... please let me know what you think ... I like it hear and the new friends I have met ... so I don't want to upset anyone for any reason ... so don't be afraid to tell me what you think (if you want to comment privately, my email address is ianandre_lemont@yahoo.com.  Thanks everybody & thanks for making me feel so comfortable in here.  Best, yours /// ian-andre'

Current Location: Martha's Vineyard
Current Mood: confused
Current Music: TV "24" on Fox
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July 14th, 2007
11:27 pm

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CHAPTER 1 of my novel in process: THE NICKEL 5

 

The Nickel 5

© by Ian-André le Mont

(Novel in Process)

 

 

Looking Back

Chapter 1

 

It’s half past five in the evening.  A dry martini stares back at me.  I had emptied all my pockets with whatever change and crumpled dollar bills I could find.  This cheap gin was all I could afford for the moment, my credit cards had all expired and I had no easy way of accessing my money.  I was still Payson Carnegie Beekman but that meant little now.  We had finally come into the 21st century during my absence.  It was odd thinking it was really 2004.  Everything seemed somehow mysterious to me.  I wasn’t here for 9/11.  So much has changed.  Being away for fourteen years has a way of mixing with your head.

Years before I would have made snide remarks if I overheard someone actually order the same god-awful gin I was washing down now.  When it had come to gin, I was an indisputable snob.

“How could anyone really drink such fowl tasting rot?” I once had vamped.

“Payson you’re such a pompous ass,” Charles Hogg had sprung back.

“Well you’re such a cheapskate Charlie.”  “I’d expect that sort of pissy stance from you,” without missing a beat, I had added.

The irony was he had pots of money wrapped up in real estate, but had the reputation of being the cheapest son of a bitch – notorious for leaving embarrassing tips at dinner, which the rest of us had to make up.

I had unequivocally drunk Tanqueray without exception.  Those had been frozen memories of highflying days, nothing but the best, the trendiest and the most select was good enough for me.  Mason had seemed weary behind the bar, his hands now shaky but still agile.  Christ he must be in his mid-seventies by now I had realized, fondly gazing at him.

“Payson you’ve decided to grace us with your presence tonight?” he had metered out with a slight English accent.  He new my circumstances but was trying to make light of it.

“First time in 14 years.”  “I’m glad to see your old puss still here,” I had said teasing him.

“It would take more than an earthquake to get my arthritic bones out of this old joint.”  “God it seems only like yesterday that you were in your usual corner chair,” he had said, probably trying to cheer me up.

“Yeah but not drinking this bootlegged crap,” I had exaggerated with a conceited flamboyance.

“Don’t worry yourself any, Tanqueray it shall be with three olives.”

Tears had fogged up my eyes as I smiled back at Mason.

Slurping down this smooth martini, the effects of the alcohol had made me feel inflated.  I couldn’t dislodge from my head the notion how years of who I used to be, had simply been blown out of me.  How effortlessly life had a way of slipping away from us.  I had hauled my repulsively hung over self here seeking answers I knew couldn’t be answered, having binged most of the afternoon on cheap pints of whisky.

Trying to massage my aching head had offered little relief.  In an effort to divert the piercing pain, I’d reminisced about my odd fascination of admiring the elegant shape of the fluted martini glass. Tonight it had been no different as I marveled at how my martini glass seemed pristinely graceful, especially here on the highly polished mahogany bar, having suffered a few nicks and gouges over the years.

Suddenly I had realized my cigarette needed tapping.  The ashes had spread out almost two inches.  I flicked them into what had been an old Beefeater ashtray, assuming most of the logo was worn off by years of washing.  Mason had once again replenished my martini.  After a few enormous sips, its invigorating effects had tenuously cleared my head.  Things had started to make more sense, and now I was horrified at the sight of my shabby attire.  My dingy, wrinkled Italian suit had hung off me like clothes the homeless trashcan pickers wore. 

The pungent smell of the alcohol had agitated my nostrils triggering fits of coughing and shrill sneezing.  I had wiped my nose with a cocktail napkin; taking a huge swig until the glass was nearly empty, with three speared olives cramped in the bottom soaking up the juniper berry essence of the gin.  I had fished out the olives eating all three at once.  We martini drinkers had considered this the crescendo; much like the worm in the Tequila bottle. 

I had nodded in Mason’s direction.  We didn’t have to speak a word.  He had returned in short order placing a cocktail napkin in front of me emblazed with the Nickel 5 shield, effortlessly placing my martini down without spilling a drop.  I had knocked it back.  Its warmth had passed quickly through my veins, rousing my incapacitated brain.

“Mason dear fellow you had better take it easy,” he had admonished me.  “You’re not used to belting them down like you had.”  “Let me get you a large glass of iced water for you, drink a few of these between martinis pal.” 

This had been my first time back since 1989 but nothing ever changed here.  It had the same ambiance as I had left it.  My long absence had dispossessed me what I had always considered my bar, my haunt.  The Nickel 5 had been a romantic part of my past. 

I had always intentional occupied the end bar chair, my favorite spot as I could make indiscrete glances at those who came in.  It had given me the vantage point like a voyeur to pore over all the patrons ensconced around odd wooden tables.  This had been my sporting amusement.  I hadn’t stayed glued in my corner seat, as I greatly enjoyed the revelry mixing with this wide assortment of influential oddities roaming about.

I had felt white washed needing to leave for the lue to pee, and perhaps a much-desired vomit.  After a few flushes of the toilet, my stomach had stabilized.  Washing my knurly hands, which had become accustomed to a weekly manicure, soured me.  As I dried them, I had caught my reflection in the lavatory mirror of a man I barely recognized.  My hair had now grayed and was thinning.  A face turned gaunt, which had aged from the unforgiving conditions of the passing years.  I had been reduced to a state of emotional emptiness, splintered beyond recognition.

My soiled suit had hung ridiculously on me, having lost its crisp pleats.  The bare thin $100 dollar hand tailored white shirt I had worn highly starched looked absurdly oversized on me.  Besides some unwelcome crumples in my silk tie, it still had a stunning attraction.  What had intrigued me the most were my English dress shoes, which amazingly still held a shine after all this time.  This was all I had to wear.  The only clothing I owned until I could gather my belonging.  It had been the last suit I had worn at the Nickel 5 before the calculated events played themselves out.

     Returning to my chair noticeable buzzed, my dear chap Mason had already poured me another chilled glass of water.  Feeling a little I had used to be, I now had the courage to make a meticulous inventory around the old joint.  I had seen that Stephen Rebowski was making his way in my direction.  I wonder what he wants I thought to myself as my palms grew cold and clammy.  Rebowski had been a senior assistant DA when I had left.

“Is that you Beekman?” he had asked knowing damn well it was.

     “Hey Joe,” I had cautiously responded, still wary of my peers’ intentions after all these years.

     “Haven’t seen you in what…years?

“Fourteen to be exact,” I had boldly reminded him.

     “Yes, yes, that’s right, you got caught up in a bit of bad luck,” he had answered knowing what had happened.

     “So your amongst the living again I take it?” said had sarcastically not missing how horrid my appearance was out of place here.

     “I suppose I am.”  “Can I buy you a drink…what was it, or yes, you’re a manhattan man?  I had still remembered.

“Payson what a nice gesture but I was just on my way home.”

“Too bad, perhaps another time then?”

“Perhaps,” he had said with insincerity.

Chief Counsel for Mobil’s import division,” he had said with a natural air of self-importance, having climbed his way out of the hole in the district attorney’s office.

“That’s quite a jump, good for you,” I had derisively said reminding him of his modest roots.

Joe’s appearance had decidedly taken a turn for style.  As an assistant DA he had been a rather shabby dresser, something of a joke around the courthouse.  Now I had noticed a major transformation, an expensive suit, pocket square, striking shirt and power tie, even cuff links, and highly polished elegant dress shoes, not the black Florsheim wing tips he was famous for buying at thrift shops.  Somethings in life have never changed, like the old adage, you can dress them up, but you can’t change who they are.

“Well Payson I must be off,” he had quickly answered intentionally avoiding any reference to his significant rise in the corporate world.

“Good to see you Joe, and congratulations to you and Louise,” I had offered.

“Uah, Louise and I divorced over ten years ago.”

“I see, sorry old chap.”

“Well I must really be off,” he had said with hurried exhaustion.

“Don’t want to keep a business man – work is work after all”

“Night then,” he had answered though sounding more like a question for permission.

“Hurry along, don’t want to keep the new wife waiting.”

“Actually she’s only my girlfriend.”

“I see, well perhaps you’ll be fortunate enough to tie things up?”  I had asking enjoying seeing him squirm.

“Yah, maybe, not a bad idea.”

“Well you must be getting along, I’d hate to make the sweet girl angry with you.”

“She’s used to my coming in at all hours,” he had said, taking my bait.

“Good for her.”  “You’re luck she’s so understanding.”

“I am.”  “She’s such a good sport.”

“Well with so such much new responsibilities, being late comes with the turf,” I had added, stringing him along to my narcissistic amusement.

“Isn’t that so true.”

“My gibber is only going to make you later.”  “You had better hurry along, I don’t want to be the blame,” I had still enjoying my making him fidget.

“No, no, it’s certainly not your fault,” he had said in defense.

“I’m delighted to hear that,” I had said hardly able to hold back my brimming distractions.  “Well out with you.”  “Hurry home to your sweetheart,” I had insisted.

“I guess it’s that time,” he had said limply.

“So long again Joe,” I said adding one last punch.

“Until next time.”

“Oh I hope so,” I said, hardly believing he had fallen again for my evident game.

“Yes, good night,” he had said, turning quickly for the door directly.

 What an ass, he always was, I had thought to my self.  I couldn’t figure out what mobile had found so enticing about him.  Joe had only been a barely confident with the DA’s office.  Made me think for some reason of an admonition that had stuck in my head years ago from Sunday school, “Oh how the mighty will fall.”  A bit of irony in that, I had mused, considering my own fall reminded me of the lad Icarus who flew fly too close to the sun melting his waxed wings, plunging him into the Aegean Sea.  Achievements in life are so temporal, uncertain as the blowing wind, I had ponderously considered.

Nickel 5 still had its natural laissez-faire charm down under street level, dark and mysterious.  I had taken all my clients here.  Had been the only place I celebrated my cleverness at winning acquittals, consoled my crushing defeats and secretly cheated on my wife.  It had been routine to have private ex parte jousting with judges, even those presiding over a current trial.  The place had been the arena where plea bargains were won or lost with opposing assistant district attorneys, after which we’d hammer down a drink together to the victor.  This inner sanctum had a carefully staged air about it: full of laughter, quantities of swilling drinks, plumes of smoke and cigar scent.  It had the same qualities of the tundra, a watering hole crammed with jungle animals; here it was politicians, state Supreme Court, Applet and Appeals judges as well as the vin ordinaire of judges and magistrates, along with an assortment of actors, dandies, assistant DAs and countless lawyers, investment bankers, venture capitalists all from the best New York firms.

Banquet seating had run around the sides of the bar made snug with imported wood paneling, monkish tables full of carved inscriptions like the tables “down at Mory’s” scattered among leather club chairs.  This had been my world – a mesmerizing escape from stone cold realism. 

Returning back to my appointed corner thrown, I had been obviously pleased with my victorious sparring with Rebowski.  Mason had just smirked at me having heard the entire conversation.

“I see you haven’t lost your zest for repartee?” he had spoken without containing his delight.

“Well Mason, you know what the saying is, “I you fall off the house, get right back on,” I had robustly uttered.  “I’ll be okay; I just need time to get my head straight.”

“You were always masterful at the game.  “I’m glad prison didn’t dull your wit.”

That had been the first time I had heard the word prison used since being released.  It had a powerful affect on me.  It was decided unpleasant, made be feel less of a person, had stripped me of my dignity.  I wondered how Martha Steward had felt her first moments of losing her freedoms, subject to a strip search in which your buttocks are spread apart to see if any contraband had been hidden their – if I had been start I would have swallowed a whole bags full of Valium before I turned myself in.  Still the stigma of being a felony gloomily determined who I was going to be forever.  In all my years defending potential felons, I’d never considered how they might have felt had I lost the case.  I guess a lot like me now.  I had been fine with defending them, but had the liberty of feeling above them, self-righteous somehow, as I would return to my privileged life unstained.  Now I sit at the Nickel 5 feeling like the girl in Hawthorn’s Scarlet Letter, with a larger letter emblazed on my chest.

“Mason I need another,” I had almost shouted, an unacceptable custom at the Nickel 5.

“Something the matter?  Mason had inquired, as he had always been insightful.

“Hell yes, a lot,” I had let out with a pounding frustration.

“You’ll be alright my son, believe me.”

“Thanks Mason,” you have never been at a loss of word, cracking an impish smile.

Mason didn’t call every patron by their first names, only the few who had been regulars and not all pumped up with their self importance.  The irony of this had been that those actually with the most influence always were called by their first names.  Not a single State Supreme Court judge, City Mayor, U.S. Senator or the majority of the major Fortune 500 companies insisted on such formality.  I had been told by a close friend that Donald Trump during his unprecedented super star rise was particular about being call Mr. Trump, but as his empire was on the verge of collapse, had a change of heart.

I had been a decidedly respected and successful defense attorney, senior partner with a vastly esteemed firm.  It seemed so many memories ago when I had sat in my costumed-decorated corner office.  I had been handsome then, broad shouldered, muscular, topped with sandy blond hair, which others said gave me a boyishly appeal.  I had never been fond of that accolade.

We had a house and property in New Canaan, Connecticut, which was only a short commute for me on the “New Haven” line into the city.  I had said we, as I married fresh out of Harvard Law School to the requisite Vassar girl, Ensley Bonet Wentworth, of the Wentworth Shipping conglomerate.  We had become flawlessly ensconced in a hugely oversized Edwardian-styled house Ensley’s father insisted upon buying for us as a wedding present, despite my arduous objections.  That had never been how I planned things to be.  I had been a product of that kind of culture, which I had desperately desired to escape from its gruesome clutch on my life.  However, I had little influence; such domestic matters seemed to rest in the all-powerful grips of my unwavering wife and her self-appointed scheming mother Abigail.

“Ensley really I don’t see any need for this gigantic house,” I had tried to protest in vain.  “Of course, it was a gracious wedding gift from Charles, but do we need so much space?”  I had to tread carefully here, as ii had been her father who made this gesture.

“Don’t be so silly darling; just wait till you see what we have in mind,” she had said with such fervor.  “She and I spent all last week with decorators in the City making all sorts of arrangements – mum insists on paying for it all.”

“Is this really all that necessary?”  “The house seems perfectly homely already to me, lying of course.”  I had said, which I knew was not particularly compelling.

“You’ll be surprised how English cozy the designers want to make our home.”  “So sweetie be careful not to trip over all the contraptions set up for the next three or four months, don’t want you going and hurting yourself,” she had informed me as if I were a child. 

“I’ll be sure to proceed with the utmost caution,” I had uttered with a touch of sarcasm.

“Mums will be here to insure everything goes smoothly.”  “Isn’t that just so sweet of her dear,” she had said radiantly.

“Are you sure your mother is really up to such a considerable undertaking darling?”  I had impishly asked. 

Sitting in an old tattered leather chair, I had been scolding myself for being so wimp about all these determined decisions about my house too.  Why had been acting so indifferently to this outrageous project concerned me.  Had this been a sign of how things were to be?

“She’s as strong as a strapping stallion Payse.”  This had become her pet name for me, pronounces, Paysé.

“Well don’t blame me if this undertaking begins to fall apart, I’ve said my peace.”  “I still don’t see why we can’t just leave things the way they are, at least for now,” I had offered, still holding out a plum.

“Oh, you, what do you know about decorating, silly boy?”  “We’ve got the whole project under control darling.”  “Mum has every detail arranged: an architect and project manager to handle the new construction, trimming, detailing and painting.”  “Maxwell our new interior designer, the sweetheart, has all the furniture, antiques, paintings, oriental carpets and all the simply amazing fabrics needed for drapes and furniture coverings worked out – he’s just so talented,” she had carried on. 

“What in hell are you doing?”  “They don’t put this much effort in the White House for a new administration.”  “I suppose you are also picking out a new pattern of china as well?”  I had said smugly.

It seemed to me as if too much oxygen had gone to Ensley’s head the way she kept rattling on.

“Payse that’s no way to speak to me, after all I’m doing this for us.”

“I’m sorry darling, you’re right, but it just seems this whole thing is getting out of control.”

“A little appreciate would be encouraging, if that’s not too much to ask?”  She said with that annoying lockjaw way of speaking.

“Do you and Abigail have any other surprises I should be prepared for?”

“Why can’t you call her mom Payse?”  “Mum doesn’t understand you coldness.”

“Christ Ensley you know I’m uncomfortable with it, perhaps in time.”  “Can’t you make her understand?”

“Well perhaps you should be the one to do that; after all it’s your issue, not mine,” she had snapped.

“Ensley, really, that’s unfair.”  “I don’t want to fight, not now; it’s already hectic enough around here.”

“Oh sweetie, I’m so sorry.”  “You’re right.”  “I think I’m over tired and nervous about it all.”  “I’ve never done anything like this and I don’t want to disappoint you,” she had said, tears beginning to flow.

“Now, now sweetie, enough of all this for now,” I had said trying to soften the conversation.

The timing could not have been worse as Abigail walked into the room with such a sense of self-importance.

“Something wrong my dear?” she had immediately asked, without missing anything.

“No mother.”  “I’m just exhausted, that’s all.”

“Have you told Payson about all our wonderful plans?”  She had been quick to add.

I started to get an eerie feeling Ensley hadn’t had time to tell me everything.  What would be the next bombshell?

“Payson what do think about all the superb interior design plans?”

“Well, a bit ambitious, but whatever Ensley wants is alright with me,” I had cleverly put it before I got the notorious wrath of her mother.

“Aren’t you overwhelmed with the landscaping we have planned?  Se had queried looking straight into my eyes.

“Oh mother, I hadn’t had time to tell him,” she had said with a bit of hesitancy.

“Well no better time then the present, as I always say.”

“Mother why don’t you, ple…se?”  Ensley had asked in a childish sort of way.

“Well, fine.”  “Payson we were absolutely fortunate to retain Emil Frochetti to be our very own landscape designer.”  “He’s in such demand; you know he studied under the renowned Charles Olmstead, America’s foremost landscape designer.”  He was the designer of Central Park,” She had said with such obvious pride.

“That’s most intriguing Abigail.”  “It will look nice to have some more flowers and hedges around the house,” I had blindly said.

“Oh no son, Frochetti is going to create an old fashion grand English garden with flocks of flowers, massive rows of hedges and wide assortment of trees, a carriage house, fountains, gates, and brick walkways and so many other marvelous creations for.”

I had remained quite for some time, which was now making everyone feel uncomfortable.  I had been at a loss.  Without any warning, I had been promoted to Lord of the Manor.  I had wanted to scream that this was fuckin’ folly, but knew that would cause a huge quarrel. 

“You two ladies are certainly ambitious,” I had quipped.

“Oh Payse, I’m doing this for us and…well…you know…our chil…dren some day,” she had softly said, restraining her new set of welled up eyes.  “And sweetie, Maxwell is making plans for the architect to design a music room with a fire place for your prize grand Steinway, so you’ll have your own special place – and a gentlemen’s den with a library and a study.”  “No one to bother you, your own private retreat away from the main part of the house.”  “Isn’t that so exciting honey?” she had said with such passion to please.

“It sounds…”

“It was all mums idea Payse, she really cares so much for you,” she had over spoken me with a flurry.

“Ensley, if this Maxwell fellow and your architect’s designs make you and Abigail happy, then I’ll be just as happy dear,” I had said, taking a rather large quaff of some single molt scotch I ad been drinking.

“You’ll see darling, it will be the perfect home for all of us,” she had said with even more emphasis on us.

 

_________________________________________

 

 

Together we had somehow managed to raise five beautiful children in that special house; our oldest was Ian, 10, followed by Ethan, 8, Ashley 5, Ryan 4 and finally our 2-year-old baby Brittany, along with a frisky Springer Spaniel called Macbeth and a loveable tan Labrador Retriever Ryan insisted be named Rufus.  I mean I had loved my wife and adored each of my children.

Yet I still had never felt that it was my special home with staff lurking about, gardeners in and out, pool cleaners popping up at all hours, not to mention the stable of horses, stalls and jumps set up in part of our 65 acres of fields, thatches, marshes and creeks.  I had hid out in my secluded part of house, which the children knew was off limits unless I called for them. 

Why had Ensley insisted on employing a horse trainer, stable hands and others doing god knows what baffled me?  Nevertheless, this had remained her domain, except for my music room, which surprisingly did provide a sanctuary – thanks to her dandy Maxwell after all – for my glossy black Steinway, which I had played in the evenings returning from New York.  With a bottle of Johnny Walker Red and a sterling silver Cartier cigarette case filled with my favorite Dunhill’s settled on the piano, I had routinely engaged myself singing the songbooks of such American legends as George Gershwin, Cole Porter and Jerome Kern, with nostalgic verve late into the morning.  This practice had a way of shutting out the rest of the world. 

I had never needed more than four or five hours a night of sleep.  Yet the never-ending cocktail parties had continued with the most boring placid crowds appalled me, and what resembled revolving dinner parties with the same teetered half-wits were imperiously asinine.  If we had invited the Litchfield’s to dinner then they were obligated to invite us to one of their pretentious three course dinners, and then we had a further obligation to extend another invitation to them for a supposedly enchanting dinner party and so on and so on ad nauseum.

Made me think we had become as ridiculous as the English television comedy on Public Broadcasting, Keeping up Appearances, in which the fluttery, overbearing Mrs. Bucket (pronounced only by her as Bouquet) was always on the lookout to impress personages of assumed importance with an invitation to one of her “candle light suppers.”  I had craved for some relaxed simplicity, nothing extravagant.  Ensley would never have accepted such rude behavior of me.  I had only to guess that with both Ensley and I coming from means, this sort of pretense was our predictable societal duty, least we forever lose the sacred WASP dignified quality of living that I mistakenly assumed die out with the end of World War II.

Current Location: Martha's Vineyard
Current Mood: awake
Current Music: 11 o'clock news!
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03:11 pm

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Writer's Block: By Any Other Name

If you could rename yourself in real life, what would you choose, and why?  I guess it would be either "Tristan" or "Carter" or "Devin" ... most people shorten my name just to "Ian," rather say my full name "Ian-Andre'," which sort of bugs me ... so a 2 syllable name would be fun though I'd end up being called "Trist" or "Car" or "Dev" so I'd be back to a sigle syllable name ... but Tristin is my best friend so it's unlikely I could change to his .... although we switch ourselves to events - he goes as me and I as him ... freaks people out.  But because of my strong French heritage (I was born in France - my papa is French), I don't think i'd ever change my name, unless to take the name of my younger brother who died 9 years ago when he was 10 - he was hit by a car on our small windy road on Martha Vineyard - his name was Laurent-Henri le Mont -- he was named after my father, Laurent Rene Andre' le Mont, as I was with the second part of my name.  
INTERESTING FACT:  Gustaf,  a Swiss philosopher, said:  "To name is to call into existence!" -- how true, as once we give someone or something a name it ceases to be detached and becomes real to us ... I think there is a lot in a name - and hearing it confirms our existence in this world ......my thought for the day! /// as always, Ian-Andre' (accent over final "e") - I have to switch to my French keyboard to get it to automatically accent it, unless I'm in Word.

Current Location: Martha's Vineyard
Current Mood: cheerful
Current Music: Pink martini sympathique
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July 13th, 2007
02:46 am

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ONE LAST POEM

One Other Poem:

 

Cultivatable Existence

© By Ian-André le Mont, 2007

 

 

A soul tormented beyond its finite capacity

Will inexplicably soar with disregard of its mortal flesh

Towards the destructive rays of the blazing sun

Shedding its protective foil from its waxen wings

 

Like Icarus who flew too high towards the sun

With melting wax limbs condemning his assent into the Aegean Sea

A beautiful boy lost to yielding zest to tempt his corporeal soul

Youthfulness obsessions oblivious to dangers of his endearing fate

 

Ordinary bodies travel the dangerous tedious tragedy of living

With fragmented souls packed with cruelties spurting monocracy

Lulled by the matrimony pains squeezed with children’s births, incredulous boredom made happen by day-to-day exerting labor

 

Youthful dreams pass squashed by deafening aspirations

An inescapable drudgery penetrates a one time armored soul

Living mystery in its path disabusing the spell of 

     of comfortable security

Desperation the detectable sign of a fated existence 

 

Revelation is a dreary anathema to dull our dreams

Hollow religious rites swallow expectancy for better days’ veracity

Inescapable torment lingers as if waiting for truant Gadot

Despair begets despair whittling all sagacity of salvation

 

Rallied by fits of morbid misery looking for unrealistic remedies

My withered soul vanquished by blinding cultivated expectations

Sealed with irreversible damnation by the gruesome madness

Frenziedly in despondency aching in torment as I slit my throat

 _____________________________________

©By Ian-André le Mont

 


Current Location: Martha's Vineyard
Current Mood: creative
Current Music: Jazz Mix
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02:05 am

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ANOTHER RECENT POEM

One of a few poems I have finished in the last few months:

Vignettes of the Unconscious
  © By Ian-André le Mont, 2007

Standing naked peeing
Tinkling in a pond
Anxiously peering about 
Embarrassed if anyone is glimpsing.

Humongous Pandas drifting everywhere
Perfect little giants costumed black and white
A haze of cuddly filaments glee with bamboo
Never emerging close enough for me to stroke.

Curious peddler draws near gawking with only one front tooth
A rubble picker perching precariously with odds and ends to sell

Wants me to purchase a proclaimed period writing desk

Underneath is imprinted “Made in Taiwan.”

 

 His apparition begins to grow fainter, as I befall a lost wayfarer
Bare-naked again sloshing through a rice paddy
Standing next to me a wearied farmer dons a rickety straw hat concealing  
      a sun beaten leathery face
I can tell we were once acquainted like a long forgotten relative.

What does he make of my circumcised bareness?
He appears not to notice
Distance voices become louder (
panicking in case my penis is   
     too small) 
 
Transfixed in place incapable of rousing as stranger approach.

With no interlude a familiar place I’ve been before appears

It’s a favorite hiding place but changed somehow 
All alone, except for a recognizable little silver box
Trying inadequate to force it to open, but I never can.


A freckled little girl’s appears with snarled red hair

She fetches the magical square box

It opens for her, it always does

Impishly she acts as if to show me what’s inside but I never do. 

The old farmer’ now closely whispering into my ear

It’s always the same, he appears discouraged trying

His drawn lips moving insistently wishing for me to understand
Straining to grasp his utterances is always a useless pursuit.

 

Somehow feeling it’s his last dying words, I yearn to hear 
Always the same sensation as if I'm not meant to figure out

Eerily everything begins to play out in slow motion 
One last struggle to move closer yet my feet adhere like glue.

 
Is it a sleepy fog that resists my need to reposition
Tingling numbness gripes me as holographic lights flash my face
Stirring finds me fumbling with sheets that bind my legs like an 
      Egyptian mummy 
Fully awaking I hold tightly to the tender memories of that sweet aged    
      rice farmer donning his rickety straw hat.

__________________________________________________________



 

 



Current Location: Martha's Vineyard
Current Mood: creative
Current Music: Jazz Mix
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01:48 am

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THOUGHT I'D POST SOME RECENT POEMS

One of a few poems I have finished in the last few months:


At the shore 
                 (c) By Ian-André le Mont, 2007

The sweet scent of blossoms that follow April's christening beckons to  
     open doors hiding musty smells and
mothballs long left dormant.


Cobwebs lace across curtin rods, crusty dried-up insects
lie scattered in  
     dusty corners, awaiting the annual sweeping ritual. 

 

Rickety faucets are released, water and air gurgle up through

     leaky lead pipes, which groan like old men.

 

Long abandoned ashes that hide beneath once shiny brass andirons are

     emptied into a dented bucket and sprinkled among the rose bushes.

 

Mattresses must be turned, carpets must be beaten, cupboards

     must be filled and shutters must be removed to give way to the  
     budding glow.

 

Warped windows get thrust open, fresh air pushes out the stench,

     slowly life pours back into the tiny shack.

 

Overgrown with weeds, the yard must be reclaimed with sickle and rake; the

     path to the lake remains hidden until repeated footsteps trample down 
     the brier.

                                                                                     

The weary dock is pieced together and agilely slid and anchored into

     the cool pool of the shore.

 

Out from hibernation in the barn, the tarp is pulled aside and with a switch

     the boat’s engine sputters to life, coughing clouds of smoke.

 

Like a procession, Pliny II is hauled on flattened tires gone bald for its launch

     at water’s edge among the Lilly pods and waving weeds.

 

Wearied from a long day of tiring chores, dampness creeps across the grass

     and into the marrow of the bone, a signal of the season anew,

     a reminder of ancestors who had come before.

 

So in the glare of the fading sun, on bare-thread ropes, a tattered American  
     flag
is hoisted up a pole once painted white, marking time for 
     another season.

 

_______________________

Current Location: Martha's Vineyard
Current Mood: creative
Current Music: Jazz Mix
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July 11th, 2007
02:08 am

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Finalization of Adoption for Menchano

I never thought it could/would happen - but my adoption of the Quechuan orphan boy Menchano is happening ... Peru notified me today that all the necessary paperwork was in order ... I'll fly to Lima where I'll meet him and then we fly back to NYC.  I first met Menchano while a Junior Peace Corps volunteer back in 2004 when I was 15 - he was 7.  I adopted him into my heart and life that summer I helped to build a new dormitory/multi-purpose structure at his orphanage.

This is a pix of Menchano at the orphanage back in 2004:

 I can't wait to go get him ... I'm so confused ... I turn 19 in August ... am I old enough be the father of a 10-year-old boy?  I love him so much ... he makes my heart flutter with compassion and joy.  It is a dream come true ... I had so many hoops to go through just to get the Peruvian government to allow me to officially/legally adopt him ... my Papa has been such a supporter and defender ... he is a lawyer and convincingly argued my case before two judges who had to approve the adoption ... he made two back to back exhausting trips with me to Lima and later to Cochabamba ... 9 hours on a plane ... hours of waiting for the judges ... mounds and mounds of paperwork ... everything needed to be in copies of three ... little to no sleep ... and a quick return back to the US (and another 9 hours of flight time).  

But in early August I make one last trip to gather him up into my arms for the last time in Peru and bring him home to become my son, Menchano Itchizan le Mont.  God I hope I know what I'm doing???  Shit the responsibility is overwhelming ... between college and raising a son - not to mention trying to develop a love interest.  It's 2:30 in the morning ... I can't sleep ... I remember the first time those gentle eyes of his peered at me ... shy, withdrawn little boy who wandered into the area I was constructing to ask for a candy bar ..."?Senor, chocolate por favor?" he said so faintly.  I went to our temporary housing to get a snickers bar ... he followed me at a distance.  I brought back the candy bar to the job site and he climbed up onto my lap and ate the entire thing like a chipmunk, biting off small bits at a time.  I knew then I wanted to give him a future ... bring him into my life ... everyone thought I was crazy to entertain such an idea.  My Mame died of cancer when I was 6 ... I know loss ... knew its peculiar pain that festers in the gut and gnaws at you.  I was certain that first moment at 15-years-old that I wanted to adopt Menchano ... he became my constant shadow after that ... always keeping me in his sights from a short distance.

... I just hope I'm doing the right thing ... for him that is ... time will tell ... but I believe it was our destiny to find each other // good-night /// ian-andre (off to walk the beach* - it's low tide now.)

*Gay Head, Martha's Vineyard, where I have spent every summer since my birth.

 

 

Current Location: Martha's Vineyard
Current Mood: contemplative
Current Music: Edith Piaf

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July 7th, 2007
11:23 pm

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Writer's Block: Random Acts of Kindness

What is one of the nicest things you've ever done for another person?  Actually it was for a group of young orphan children high in the Andes Mountains in Cochabamba, Peru ... I was 15 and went as part of the junior peace corps. to build a multi-purpose room/centre for sleeping and other activities, and for medical assistance, on the compound of what was the mansion attached to an old tin mine ... we actually made the adobe bricks with our feet mushing mud to layer with the straw in wooden molds ... it was so satisfying seeing the building go up after 2 months of hard work ... and the faces and expressions of the little boys and girls who would sleep for the first time in a heated, enclosed dormitory ... it was a feeling beyond belief ... it was then I realized my sneakers cost almost as much money as they needed to survive for an entire year ... not a pleasant revelation.  

I need to scan a pix of one of the faces of the Quechuan children I photographed as they played tag inside their new building ... their first permanent home!!!  I gave almost three months of myself and the emotional return so outweighed the ocassional food or elevation sickness or the cold and dreary conditions in which we worked ... especially later sitting on Menchano's bed ... a sweet, sensitive boy of 8 who reminded me so much of myself ... each of us junior peace corps. had birthday gifts we purchased with our own money to give each to two children ... between his tears of love and happiness and mine of like happiness and a sense of well-being ... I've never felt so connected, so pure, so right with the world as that day and even many of the days leading up to the grand opening of the building/centre ... and etched in the cross beam on the northeast side are my initials (i-a le m) ... if i ever have children i hope someday to bring them to this orphanage and show them their daddy's initials ... be the best example I could give of giving unselflessly of oneself.  Tears swell even now as I reflect back on it ... such tranquillity fills me!  // i-a 

Current Location: Martha's Vineyard
Current Mood: tranquillity
Current Music: Plaisir d'Amore (Martini)
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11:00 pm

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7 - 7 - 07

I couldn't let this day go by without posting a few thoughts ... made 2 new friends today ... that counts big time!  Nothing really profound to say ... thought it interesting to read about a new friend's "gaydar," and how she got this deli worker boy to talk about his boyfriend ... is it our responsibility though to help others come out so to speak ... I'm not judging her ... just wondering if there is a certain line we shouldn't cross?  I know years ago before I could admit I was bi ... something like that would have frightened me to death!  No more thank god!!!  Super tired and going to bed ... but needed to post something on this 7-7-07 day!  Oh yeah - they announced the new 7 Wonders of the World ... I've been to 2 ... the Colosseum in Rome and Macchu Piccu in Peru ... I want to see the Pyramids in ancient Egypt ... sort of glad the Great Wall of China didn't make it ... not that I'm so much anti-communist, as I am pro Tibet and the Dahlia Lama ... and the wall is symbol of their need to be exiled in India.  So I will start to make plans now to go to Egypt this year to see the great pyramids!!! Yeah! night all!!!  // i-a

Current Location: Martha's Vineyard
Current Mood: chipper
Current Music: Air for the G String (Bach)

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July 1st, 2007
09:26 pm

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CONCERT FOR DIANA

The concert is over - what a gift Prince William & Prince Harry gave us.  Sir Elton John opened & closed it - hearing "Candles In the Wind"  again brought tears to my eyes ... I know I'm a bit young to remember her well ... but my short-lived encounter with Princess Diana will never fade ... her charity and support of humanitarian causes ... especially AIDS ... can never be forgotten ... today she lived again in my memories ... in all our memories ... I hope many of you watched it on VH1 ... truly unforgettable performances to honor what would have been her 47th birthday today ... the young princes' did their mother proud ... I was utterly moved by the experience. // i-a

Current Location: Martha's Vineyard
Current Mood: enthralled
Current Music: "Candles In the Wind," Sir Elton John

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June 30th, 2007
05:06 pm

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3 Questions?
Q1: When I have a crush on someone I show it by... hopelessly doing everything I can to keep their smile focused on me ... I get silly, giddy, overly romantic ... can't stay away from them.

Q2: If I could be anywhere right now, I'd be...  right where I am ... on the beach on Martha's Vineyard ... I've got a wickedly awesome tan ... which makes me feel sexy as hell ... and misty-eyed for cute boys my age !!!! Yum............

Q3: My family drives me up the wall when they... now all I have left is my papa .. lost my mom at 11 and my little brother Carter at 10 ... I've moved on ... papa pines away drinking whiskey to keep the pain away ... why can't we ever let go & move on ... because it's too damn hard to forget!!!  .. but if it's going to rain we have to let it ... so with pain ... we have to let it grow before we can cut it back ... damn sad this life sometimes .............

Current Location: Martha's Vineyard
Current Mood: wistful
Current Music: Sarah McLaughlan (Good Enough)
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04:56 pm

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Bored Without You!

beautiful you ... you bring out the Gypse in me ...

the many charms of you ... I want my arms around you ...

naughty baby ... come to mama, mama do ...

embraceable you!

(... I miss you ... i-a)

... please answer me ... with the goods I bring your way.

Current Location: Martha's Vineyard
Current Mood: sad
Current Music: Carmen McRae (Here to Stay)
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02:16 pm

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Writer's Block: Summer Break

How did you spend summers when you were a kid?

Our family - actually my paternal grandparents - had a summer house on Martha's Vineyard - one of two small islands off the coast of Boston - it was on the beach in the small town of Gay Head that each year I packed up the things most important in my life (changing as I grew older) from the end of school in early June to Labor Day weekend - and took the ferry ride across to get to the Vineyard.  It was here that I came to understand myself - my place to experiment and simplify/complicate/uncomplicated and re-define myself - it was where I tanned to a dark-light golden brown and my blond hair bleached white - and my freckles darkened and the sandy blond hairs on my arms and legs glistened - it was by far the best time of my life every year - it was where i first learned to sail at 7 - and to become an accomplished ocean racer - to find my way onto clay tennis courts - instructed by Wimbledon champion Stan Smith (and get two new pair of white Adidas "Stan Smith" sneakers ever summer) - it is how I discovered writing long after I realized I loved reading - it was where I kissed my first girl - and soon after - my first boy!  From 6 am to 9 pm my life followed the ebb and flow of the tide - a spindly boy with excess nervous energy and a zest - if not yearning - to make new discoveries daily.  It was on this small island during every summer I evolved from a mere child to the young man I am today - this little enclave of mostly WASPy Caucasians - like me - found a way into my heart and eked out the best - and the worst (I'm ashamed to admit) of me - like a washed out beach following every high tide - I transformed with each season - learning how to be a friend - to love - to hate - to suffer - to find enduring pleasure.  I am writing this from the bedroom I first occupied at age five - high up on the dunes with a cascading view of the mighty dark blue Atlantic ocean - it is a distinct privilege to be here - to have seen the passing of life - the deaths of my grandparents - my mother - and my younger brother -- all at one point bigger than life - possessing the ability to focus me and teach me lessons I'll never forget (even at 10 - my nine-year-old younger brother Carter had such influence on me until he was killed riding his bike along the windy, winding road that narrowed leading to our beach house).  Our house - now mine - known as "Spinnaker" remains the focal point of my life - here I tasted life's small cruelties and huge blessings. This island was my vantage point - far beyond just facing out toward the sea - but fashioning my rite de passage from a toddler to whom I am today -- bound up by hundreds of tears, scraps, cuts, laughs - and it is here that I still steal myself to find the courage to drift in the currant of humanity - and where I try awkwardly at times to become the best of whom I can be as a person - finding my way - finding my voice - finding my soul ... this is how I spend my summers ,,, and how I learned humanity and never ending humility ... and it still effects changes on me ... as long as the tide flows, I'll continue to follow it.  .......... This is how I spent my summers as a little and now as a "big" kid!!!

- Ian-Andre, June '07, Gay Head, M.V.



 

Current Location: Martha's Vineyard
Current Mood: content
Current Music: Cole Porter's song book
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